What the fuck is good world? This your boy Stacey here again to shed some light on something we have all been through before…drunk texting. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we have all reached that point during a night of indulging in alcoholic beverages that we believe we’re pretty fucking invincible. Your confidence is higher, your limbs are more relaxed, your hormones are stronger, and you want sex…and you want it immediately. Now before we go any further and you send that call of duty text you have to understand this, drunk texting just like texting itself is a hit or miss situation. The alcohol you’ve consumed, depending on your tolerance, will have you either relaxed and mellow, wild as fuck, or sleepy and horny. With the feeling of intoxication also comes a condition that I know all too well, and that is ‘not giving a fuck’. Yep, if you’re a nigga like me then certain shit just goes out the window once you’re drunk. Fuck it. Shit happens. The paranoia of screenshots and the fact that you have a girlfriend all becomes irrelevant once you’re drunk my nigga. As @BardaStar once tweeted “Fucking ya own girl when you drunk top 5 lamest shit in the world.” Now, keep in mind that just because you text her doesn’t mean the box is available at that very moment. Stupid shit like periods and her boyfriend spending the night will sometimes pin your shit to the backboard. Her being tired and having to work in the morning shouldn’t matter if she’s that into you, but always be prepared for that “nah I’m good” text. Now, before your thirst meter increases and you let that text fly there’s a couple rules you have to follow while you're scrolling through your contacts.
1. Don’t text her if you haven’t hit her already - There’s nothing worse than ruining some potential box by hitting her up with unwanted requests. Now if you’re both intoxicated and have an mutual attraction let that text fly by all means. You may or may not get the box that night but guarantee she’ll know what your intentions are and will deal with you accordingly. Whether she wants to invite you to her crib and see what happens or put that “do not answer” as your contact id is all about clever your thirst tactics are.
2. Be careful how you word things- Once that text is sent its open for whoever is in possession of her phone at the time. You may not be concerned about screenshots at the moment but guarantee you will the next morning when you’ve sobered up. You wake up the next morning and start scrolling through your phone and see messages you don’t remember sending, you immediately start checking her social networks for subtweets and screenshots. You never really know who is on the other end of the phone, it could be her one of her girlfriends or her boyfriend you didn’t know about. If she doesn’t respond that’s cool fam, Hov taught us its ok to brush your shoulders off and move on to the next one. Hit up the next broad on your roster and keep those thirsty hope alive my nigga.
3. Don’t get too fucked up - The most important one of them all. Don’t get too drunk to point where you substituted yourself out of the game. Nothing is more stressful than being fucked up to the point where she was willing to come through but you passed out cause you too drunk. Plus you have to still keep yourself in good shape so you can drive if you need to pick her up. I know, I know drinking & driving is bad but if you think a DUI is going to stop me from harlem shaking into some new box you got another thing coming my nigga. That’s just me though, you all are free to live your lives as you please but if Denzel could land a fuckin plane drunk nigga I KNOW I can make it across town with no problem.
Well that’s all for today ladies and gentlemen, keep these guidelines in mind and you'll be in good shape every time. Just remember texting is a hit or miss so if at first you don’t succeed dust yourself and try it again...and I dare one of you hoes say you know better than Aaliyah. Until next time though y’all be cool.